Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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