dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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