A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
