Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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