i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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