It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize