My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
