This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
