She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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