I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
