My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
