I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
