Can i not drive my cunt home
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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