Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
