Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
