We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
