Need sex. Gaining weight.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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