so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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