He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
