so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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