I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I supernannyed him into submission
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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