Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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