Soap is not a condiment
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
