mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
