just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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