You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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