Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
