i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
nutella sex= disaster
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
