I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
