Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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