..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Soap is not a condiment
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
