you're like a bully in the Christmas story
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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