its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
