I should be sponsored by Trojan
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
