I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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