So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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