I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
