my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
