Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
