.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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