If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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