I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
