1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
