Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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