So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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