Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
send nudes
from the living room?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
