apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize