You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
