just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
