I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
