If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
