I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
