Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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