The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
