Soap is not a condiment
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How does one acquire holy water?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
