she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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