Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to sanitize my soul.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
