i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
