Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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