john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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