you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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