im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
