my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
