nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
