Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
