he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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