The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
