apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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