We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
