So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
