some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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