I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
