Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
