piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
