How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
