I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
