Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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