i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
