Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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