Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she told me i tasted like america
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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