Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
