Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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