Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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