watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you win again, gameday.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
