its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
