What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Randomize
