You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
