I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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