Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
