my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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