So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
