I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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