the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
