In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
